Lately I`ve been neglecting my blog. 😦 Not on purpose, but there is not enough hours in a day to handle everything. Especially when you are a work-a-holic.
Meanwhile a lot was happening in my “dark realm”. I was going through different phases – from not feeling anything special, to being overwhelmed and to stepping out of my comfort zone. Once again I have let myself to devour the fantasies I have. I confessed them to myself and later to Him. Luckily, they were His fantasies as well. So, we went deeper and I love it. I`m proud on myself to be able to express everything, to be able to realize it. My trust in Him grows stronger and I`m starting to feel more secure in my own sexuality. Not being afraid that much anymore. I`m leashed.
This is one of those “after the session” blog posts. It was so amazing, I cannot get it out of my head.
Started as a normal evening: cuddling, kissing. One thing lead to another and when I was completely naked (only with my thong left on) and He was not, I realized something is about to happen. 🙂 When He put me to stay on my all four, in the middle of the room, in front of the mirror wall… I knew this will probably be a pretty special evening, demanding quite a lot from me. He pulled down my thongs and blindfolded my eyes. “Arch your back” was the first order. But this was only the beginning of the journey where He led me from one demanding scene to another.
He incorporated everything – many things I feel embarrassed about, stepping into every part of my intimacy (where I don`t like anyone to step in), taking from me all my defenses, enforcing harsh discipline, bondage and testing my pain limits.
When my nipples were crazy sensitive and painful, my back sore and my pussy overwhelmed with all the juices pouring out, there was a final step… Hot wax (candles). This was a first one for me. When hot liquid touched my skin, I arched my back even more. Feeling it running down my spine was sooooo good. And when He whipped of the wax, my pain limit was already moved very far away from previous state.
I was kneeling in front of Him, completely willing, completely surrendered, with full devotion in full submission. That evening He helped me to achieve a state in which I was never before. In one point I no longer felt pain. It was only a sensation. Everything was a special sensation. And every inch of my being was surrendered, belonged to Him, craved to please Him. It was what I desired.
Reaching this state brought me to tears again. I cried my soul out when He held me in his arms and I was not able to express the depth of my feelings with words. Just laid there, crying out all my emotions… I can only say I have never felt such devotion and love for Him. But I do not dare (yet) to use word “love”. In any given context. I am afraid that if I say it out loud I will shatter to million pieces.