Ups and downs

Lately I`ve been neglecting my blog. 😦 Not on purpose, but there is not enough hours in a day to handle everything. Especially when you are a work-a-holic.

Meanwhile a lot was happening in my “dark realm”. I was going through different phases – from not feeling anything special, to being overwhelmed and to stepping out of my comfort zone. Once again I have let myself to devour the fantasies I have. I confessed them to myself and later to Him. Luckily, they were His fantasies as well. So, we went deeper and I love it. I`m proud on myself to be able to express everything, to be able to realize it. My trust in Him grows stronger and I`m starting to feel more secure in my own sexuality. Not being afraid that much anymore. I`m leashed.

Needs

Throughout the last couple of months I read two blog posts that made me think about what does submissive need. I did not stop there, neither I think authors of this posts meant that this only applies to submissives – I believe it can be applied to almost every relationship out there. First post was from takenlilslut: 7 things that submissive needs from a Dominant. And the second post was from submissivenightowl: Deserving. So I`ve taken this posts to inspire me and write my own list. It is not definite and of course, I cannot take credit for it by myself – inspiration and few words goes to mentioned authors above.

A) Things that people need and I believe this should apply to everyone, Dom or submissive (or neither), vanilla or bdsm relationship (or combination of both – which is the form of relatioship which I prefer):

  1. Time: you have to spend time together. In order to get to know each other, to do things, to create new experiences, memories, develop your relationship and grow in every possible manner.
  2. Attention: you have to pay attention to each other. Great things are hidden in details and you can discover while paying attention.
  3. Honesty: sometimes we need to ask even stupid, small things. We are not mind readers and I do not like always reading between the lines. I am honest and expect the same in return. It affects the same things as written above – growing your relationship, discovering your desires and enjoying in it. Many obstacles can be overcome with this.
  4. Trust: as submissive I need you to trust me knowing my limits and I trust You to push them, always. I trust you to be my safety net and guide me through the this realm of bdsm exquisity. Respect our agreements or trust can be broken. Outside of the bdsm relationship trust is also everything. Without it you cannot build anything. With it both of you are stronger.
  5. Mind: I cannot say anything else than author of original post did: “If you can’t share the things that are important to you with me, then you aren’t for me. I like your body, I like your skills, but I also want to like your mind. Your thoughts, dreams, goals, and ambitions are important to me too. What happens in your life matters to me, because you matter to me.”
  6. Love: again, same as above – takenlilslut wrote it all: “If you can’t love me, really love me, even when I’m wrong, or bad, or distant, or just plain acting unlovable, then you aren’t for me. Love, in all it’s forms, is unconditional. Keyword: unconditional. That means you love me (in whatever way we have chosen) just because you do… and my thoughts, actions, and behaviors do not define your feelings for me. They may change how our relationship functions, but never how you feel. And PS? I need to hear the actual word every once in awhile, so I can file it away in case it’s awhile before I hear it again. But don’t make me wait too long…”

B) Things that I mainly need as a submissive (but always in combination with all the things written above):

  1. Consistency: “If you can’t enforce the rules you set, and punish and/or reward every single time, then you aren’t for me. Sure you can take into consideration the circumstances in my life at the time, but I need to know that each rule you set has purpose and you intend to see them all through. If you can’t supervise them, don’t set them.” (Source: takenlilslut)
  2. Rules: I need them in order to serve you the best way I can. But they are strongly connected to consistency.
  3. Punishment: I need it when I am “bad”. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. Together, with consistency and rules, they make a perfect threesome. Choose punishment You feel it fits the most.
  4. Reward: I believe this one is pretty self-explinatory. 🙂 I like being a good girl and knowing that you noticed that I try really hard is important to me. It can be a compliment, an orgasm, a dinner, a kiss… Whatever fits you in that moment.

This list is sure to be updated through the time. As said before – I am still kind of a novice to this (bdsm) world. But one thing is for certain – I want all of this things, because I know I deserve them. And this is something that submissivenightowl wrote very good in her blogpost Deserving. I can find a lot of things that I like in there – not all, because we are all different and unique, but still. I know what I like and I know why. It is because I want to enjoy in my life and I want that my partner enjoys in his as well. That is why I feel it is important that both of the partners are their own person, willing to adapt in order to grow and develop relationship – with every kind of spice available our there. 🙂 I prefer mine to be bdsm. 🙂

And a final thought, my current desire, need that I am starting to feel growing more in more… I want to serve You. I want to give You every cell of me – for You to use, enjoy and cherish.

My first one

slave_statueMy first blog, my first post, my first BDSM experiences. I never liked drastic changes very much. They demanded attention, adaption, they disturbed my well balanced life. But changes are natural part of life cycle and they produce new experiences and they add value. So, few years ago I started to make changes in my life. I wanted to live and not just hibernate.

BDSM came into my life unexpectedly. My curiosity was the main reason why I entered into this dark realm, where pain and pleasure intersects. I am a submissive. At this point I already belong to Him. And when He asked me to start writing a blog about my emotions, feelings regarding this aspect of our relationship, I did not mind. Once upon a time I liked writing. And I know that getting my thoughts “out there” helps me to overcome any potential struggle or dilemmas. So, I`ve started. And here it is: my first blog, my first post. About my first BDSM experiences.

To sum up why I like this “dark realm”, I`ll end with my favorite quote:

“I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”
― Anaïs Nin