We like to make sense out of this world with defining stuff. You have to know what something is in order to understand it.
I like to put my thoughts in a box. I like to define things. But lately I am noticing that definitions drive people crazy. If something is not the way they imagined its definition, then this means something is not ok. It is broken or wrong. Or it just confuses you too much. From ordinary things to defining your BDSM identity.
Few months ago I started to let go. Making definitions as well.
For example: ORGASM. People, mostly women, are obsessed with it. Was this an orgasm? Why I cannot achieve vaginal orgasm? Why I cannot achieve any orgasm? What kind of orgasms I can achive? How can I achieve them? Bad mood usually follows. When it comes to orgasm I rather name it pleasure. Pleasure does not measure in orgasm (if you can measure it in anything at all). Pleasure is something so beautiful, so enjoyable, so sweet, painful, tasteful, so sensationable… It can be brought by so many factors and described with thousands of words.
Don`t stress over an orgasm. Enjoy in pleasure. Thrive on it. Let your mind go and let the senses take your control.
Don`t try to define an orgasm. Just enjoy pleasure.
And the second topic I came across a lot lately is defining your bdsm identity. It was my issue as well. I refused being labeled by anything. But still, I got labeled. I resisted as much as I could and maybe I still do a bit. I am trying to let go this as well. Why should labels bother me? Why should I be defined? I am His. I will do as much as I can for Him. Because of many reasons. What does that make me? A sub, slave, bottom, fetishist? Do not know and do not feel the need for it. I only know I want to please him and enjoy.
People adore definitions but in the end they tend to confuse them. But if you let them go… there is a new world after it. That does not mean you have to abandon all definitions in your life. I still like them, I still like to make sense out of things. But if they make you feel bad or sad… Let them go. Discover the world behind them. It can be surprising and beautiful.