I tend to fantasize a lot. Not only about the “lust” part of my life, but in almost any aspect… I like to imagine what will happen, what will I feel, how should I react… So, I can be prepared for everything. The problem is that you cannot always anticipate correctly what will people do.
The same things are happening before any date, session with Him. I am trying to do it as little as possible, but cannot avoid the “lust” fantasies. And when my body and mind are overwhelmed with lust, my fantasies become deeper, darker, more daring and let`s say more perverted as well.
There were couple of ocassions when my fantasies came true and not always they have been exactly the same as I planned. Usually they are more demanding for me emotionaly as I thought. In my head everything is easy and simple. In reality things are more demanding. With every outspoken fantasy I give Him deeper view into my head. With every fantasy that comes to life, I give him deeper view into my sould. It takes a lot of courage to step in the world you only fantasied about. Things can become scary very easily.
Today I was thinking about testing my pain limit. I like to think that I have a high tolerance for pain, but I know this is not true. I gave Him permission to test it, cause I want to see what happens when endorphins kick in. Deeper levels of interaction between pain and pleasure. I suspect I will regret this while being flogged.
But before that I still have to take care of things like what to wear, whick make up to put on… The less favorite, but important part, of the “before” time.
In the end, I am never careful what I wish for… Let`s be surprised what happens. Not knowing is exhilarating.