Afraid of desire to serve, part 2

Source: Lea S

A day after my last post, writing about my fears, we saw each other again. I did not tell Him what was going on in my mind as I wanted to relax myself from work related stress. We finished our date with sex and before that we also had “a session”.

Turning me on is easy with Him. One touch, one word or only a look can be enough for me to get turned on. Along with arousal I usually turn off my mind and just let go everything, surrendering my body to my senses and enjoying in every part. When I felt a harsh rope on my soft skin, my heart shrunk. I turned to fear again. I told Him that but at the same time was not able to answer his question what exactly do I fear. I was thinking of actually calling off this “play/session”… But then I remembered that I trust Him. I decided not to surrender to my fears. If something will not feel right, I have an option to use a safe word. So, I let go of my fears… And surprisingly, everything was fine. My pain limit was higher than usual, I enjoyed every single moment and line between pain and pleasure was blurred once again.

Looking back now (while feeling a stinging sensations on my back, butt cheeks and boobs from flogger, belt, his hands and all other “special treatment” I`ve received), I feel proud on myself again. To overcome my fears and push my limits a bit further.

At the end I confessed Him my mini crisis and He asked me if I want to call everything off. My immediate reaction and answer was “NO!« Still not sure what was going on with me during those previous days (maybe it was a full moon 🙂 ), but the only thing that I am sure of (with my body and mind) is that I do not want to end this. I cannot possibly imagine of going back to only “vanilla” life… This BDSM spice is just too delicious.

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2 comments on “Afraid of desire to serve, part 2

  1. Arina says:

    It is delicious, isn’t it? Sometimes we do have to build up slowly. I am starting to face some demons of my own that aren’t necessarily related to kink. I totally understand how you feel. My issue right now is surrender and trust…not because he’s done anything to not deserve it, but because I get inside my own head and scare myself.

    • Submissive M says:

      Been there, done that (as well). 🙂 I had to digg really deep inside myself and most of times reasons were: insecurity, not enough trust, things I was not sure of, things that bothered me… Everything went away after talking with Him. So the most important lessons I`ve learned: talk is the best method to solve issues. Any kind. 🙂

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