Hands around the neck. This blog post says exactly what I feel. Magic.

My Little Known Truth

Last night in bed I wondered aloud….what is it about having his hands around my throat that catapults me over that edge of sexual desire and excitement?

Does the fact that this excites me so much make me crazy, sick or perverted?

My Dom looked over in that sweet way he does, and reached over to grasp my throat in his strong, warm hand. “So,” he said, the deep timber of his voice a perfect compliment to my soft gasp, “tell me what this feels like.”

I lay under his hand my heart racing, gently arching against the weight at my throat. No matter the time of day, or where we are, when he puts his hand on my neck a fire ignites at the apex of my thighs.

It’s the possessiveness of the gesture, I am his. When he stands behind me as I kneel at his feet and…

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Definitions

We like to make sense out of this world with defining stuff. You have to know what something is in order to understand it.

I like to put my thoughts in a box. I like to define things. But lately I am noticing that definitions drive people crazy. If something is not the way they imagined its definition, then this means something is not ok. It is broken or wrong. Or it just confuses you too much. From ordinary things to defining your BDSM identity.

Few months ago I started to let go. Making definitions as well.
For example: ORGASM. People, mostly women, are obsessed with it. Was this an orgasm? Why I cannot achieve vaginal orgasm? Why I cannot achieve any orgasm? What kind of orgasms I can achive? How can I achieve them? Bad mood usually follows. When it comes to orgasm I rather name it pleasure. Pleasure does not measure in orgasm (if you can measure it in anything at all). Pleasure is something so beautiful, so enjoyable, so sweet, painful, tasteful, so sensationable… It can be brought by so many factors and described with thousands of words.

Don`t stress over an orgasm. Enjoy in pleasure. Thrive on it. Let your mind go and let the senses take your control.

Don`t try to define an orgasm. Just enjoy pleasure.

And the second topic I came across a lot lately is defining your bdsm identity. It was my issue as well. I refused being labeled by anything. But still, I got labeled. I resisted as much as I could and maybe I still do a bit. I am trying to let go this as well. Why should labels bother me? Why should I be defined? I am His. I will do as much as I can for Him. Because of many reasons. What does that make me? A sub, slave, bottom, fetishist? Do not know and do not feel the need for it. I only know I want to please him and enjoy.

People adore definitions but in the end they tend to confuse them. But if you let them go… there is a new world after it. That does not mean you have to abandon all definitions in your life. I still like them, I still like to make sense out of things. But if they make you feel bad or sad… Let them go. Discover the world behind them. It can be surprising and beautiful.

Be careful what you wish for…

Image…it might come true! 🙂

I tend to fantasize a lot. Not only about the “lust” part of my life, but in almost any aspect… I like to imagine what will happen, what will I feel, how should I react… So, I can be prepared for everything. The problem is that you cannot always anticipate correctly what will people do.

The same things are happening before any date, session with Him. I am trying to do it as little as possible, but cannot avoid the “lust” fantasies. And when my body and mind are overwhelmed with lust, my fantasies become deeper, darker, more daring and let`s say more perverted as well.

There were couple of ocassions when my fantasies came true and not always they have been exactly the same as I planned. Usually they are more demanding for me emotionaly as I thought. In my head everything is easy and simple. In reality things are more demanding. With every outspoken fantasy I give Him deeper view into my head. With every fantasy that comes to life, I give him deeper view into my sould. It takes a lot of courage to step in the world you only fantasied about. Things can become scary very easily.

Today I was thinking about testing my pain limit. I like to think that I have a high tolerance for pain, but I know this is not true. I gave Him permission to test it, cause I want to see what happens when endorphins kick in. Deeper levels of interaction between pain and pleasure. I suspect I will regret this while being flogged.

But before that I still have to take care of things like what to wear, whick make up to put on… The less favorite, but important part, of the “before” time.

In the end, I am never careful what I wish for… Let`s be surprised what happens. Not knowing is exhilarating.

My first one

slave_statueMy first blog, my first post, my first BDSM experiences. I never liked drastic changes very much. They demanded attention, adaption, they disturbed my well balanced life. But changes are natural part of life cycle and they produce new experiences and they add value. So, few years ago I started to make changes in my life. I wanted to live and not just hibernate.

BDSM came into my life unexpectedly. My curiosity was the main reason why I entered into this dark realm, where pain and pleasure intersects. I am a submissive. At this point I already belong to Him. And when He asked me to start writing a blog about my emotions, feelings regarding this aspect of our relationship, I did not mind. Once upon a time I liked writing. And I know that getting my thoughts “out there” helps me to overcome any potential struggle or dilemmas. So, I`ve started. And here it is: my first blog, my first post. About my first BDSM experiences.

To sum up why I like this “dark realm”, I`ll end with my favorite quote:

“I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”
― Anaïs Nin